An awkward penchant for the apparently animate pleasures…
So here I am, back to wat I do de best-no o’corse I dint mean blogging-I meant crying-no wonder I was labelled a crybaby in school…I certainly dint intend 2 com back 2 bloggin in this manner-describing my worries n lamentin over spilt milk but I guess I’m quite perturbed emotionally and I somhow wanna let go of this…so wat better way 2 do that than sharing dis wid u all…
A day goes begging…
Sixth sem started n dis being jus the first week no real work was there 2 do n so I was naturally excited wen I got a call day before yesterday that v’ve got a school reunion. This is the first time after tenth grade that all of us would be meeting and the school being one in which I spent my formative years of childhood, I was very much lookin forward to meeting my old buddies-infact the very thought of seeing them sent me into raptures. It was a very familiar feeling, a sign of how attached I am to such old relations-and I knew dis would last forever. Or so I thought. Lil’ did I kno how wrong I was…
As I had come back early yesterday, I got a call from 2 of my friends N and S who called me to spend the evening wid them and wid nothing better to do, I agreed. Come evening, I dressed up well (I had a reputation in school of havin an impeccable sense of clothin-I obviously dint wanna lose that), took out my new bike n started off-I wanted 2 flaunt my new cool look to them n make it known that livin in a small city hadn’t deteriorated my lifestyle afterall. Seems they had other plans in mind then…
I arrived quite early to the place they had called me to. It was quite a weird area to be in and frankly I haven’t given the place a second look all my years of existence in this place. I kept looking around and suddenly I noticed both of them standing at some distance and staring at some movie poster. I was quite taken aback seeing them drooling at some half nude chick but I decided to ignore that and called out to them. Once they looked at me, they immediately pretended as if they were looking at something else and gathered wat seemed to b the final vestiges of self-respect left in them and after exchanging pleasantries, a conversation ensued between me N & S…
N: Oi dude, hows life in trichy da?
Me: Oh abs fab-cant u c that? (Proudly pointing to my bike)
S: Hmmm guess u’ve grown up finally-so v can talk freely to u aftrall…
Me: Huh? (Innocently…seriously I cudn’t get wat they were comin to)
N: Dai wat da there seem to b no figures over here…
Me: (priding myself for identifying the lingo) I’m surprised u say that-there’s no dearth of good lookin gals here
S: C’mon da u don’t mean to say they’ve got cute faces…
Me: O’corse I did…wat did ya mean?
N: Shit, U’re such a dumbo-Learn to look at “wat lies beneath” da…
Not sure of wat he meant or rather not wanting him to mean wat I dreaded he would, my mind raced back to the Harrison Ford movie I watched long ago…N gave me a jolt and asked me to sit behind him in the bike and told me that they were taking me to an amazing place I’d never have seen. I prided myself on my geography of Trichy and havin lived almost all my life here I told him it could never be…He said ‘wait and watch’… and quite dumbly, thats wat I did…
They stopped in a commercial cum shopping area in trichy well known for the pizzerias and multi-storeyed malls…
Me: Man, nice place u’ve brought me to-so wher r u treatin me?
S: V’ll tell u soon-first 2 the ATM…
Me: Oh wow, so u guys got lotsa cash on u, eh?
They dint seem to notice that too busy talking to themselves-I somehow suddenly started feeling outta place…
N: (probably noticing that) Wud u like a puff da?
Me: Yea sure mate, I’m feelin damn hungry-I started before mom came. So anything is fine…hey but veg puff only na?
Hearing this, they exchanged glances and initially sported a malicious grin. Then they slowly started sniggering…
Me: Wat guys, U laughin coz I’m still vegetarian? Hey its just a choice I made and am stickin onto that
N: (rudely interrupting my last statement) U fool, v dint mean that-v meant this…
And to my utter dismay, they took out from their pockets an imported packet of cigarettes and in no time it was lit and plumes of smoke arose…I decided not to portray any surprise or disapproval and pretended as if I was cool wid it.
S: Wat dear, u seem to b dumbstruck?
Me: cha, not at all da-many of my friends smoke, so it doesn’t really get on my nerves or anything...but I thought
N: c’mon da grow up, now jus try 1 puff for the sake of our friendship
Me: (sternly) No, I’m not askin u to stop or anything so lemme b the way I am…and don’ u dare bring our friendship and all-that’s being too damn mean…
S: ok chill buddy, seems u’d never wanna grow up…
Me: Watever, now take me to de place soon-cant stand dis cold wind anymore
N: hey S he seems to b too despo da-lets take him
S: Man the bar’s beckoning me
Me: WTF?
S: jus 1 drink honey
Me: (sounding pretty annoyed) y on earth did u call me so early u assoles…I’d rather have come aftr u finished all these. Am I 2 watch u getting inebriated and stand helplessly?
N: who asked u to stay sober da? U’re in college now, u know-c’mon stop being momma’s kid and learn to enjoy life…
Me: Listen I’ll wait for u guys here come back soon
S: Be a sport da. Atleast come wid us…
Me: k fine but plz don’t force me to booze
N: V wont don’ worry, but hey jus have a look at my new i-mate…
Me: Wats that da?
N: that’s a pocket pc da-got it from Thailand-it’s a mobile phone as well…
And he took out that gleaming article from his pocket and showed us. It was a really awesome thing, I mean u cud do literally everything that can b done with a pc. And jus wen all seemed to b going fine…
S: u dunce, stop lookin at such boring stuff…
Me: oh, u mean there r more interesting stuff that can b done wid this?
N: yep, u get 2 c the “matter that actually matters”...
I wondered wat they meant-and not in my wildest of dreams did I expect them to come up wid something lik this…on came a windows media player screen and…
Me: oh wow, Kate winslet?
S: v don’t kno…jus shut up and watch
N: c’mon bitch don’t waste our time, off wid Ur clothes
Me: wat on earth is goin on?
And sure enuf, bfore I cud finish askin (I tel u that was real fast, less than 5 seconds), she was done stripping and I was staring at her pudenda-she seemed to have no qualms abt it. And O’corse the two were enjoying evry bit of the show…
Now truly that makes u lose respect for women-but wat the heck, she does that for money and the guys r enjoying it, so who am I to complain, right? So I decide not to intervene as other thoughts strike me…
Not so long ago, say jus over a decade, I met them in kindergarten…2 of the smartest guys in class, v had a jolly good period together wid other friends and as v grew up, our bond thickened…ours was a co-ed school and so there never was any distinction between the sexes. To us, gals were no different except maybe for the dress they wore.
I’ve said this often but don’t mind repeating once more-Why cant ppl ever comprehend the teachings of a gentleman called Plato? For god’s sake, it aint tougher than the big-bang theory or the complex derivations of physics…
The best things in life are free, it’s said…and v thoroughly seemed to agree wid the funda…for us a sandcastle was always more interesting than a foot long pencil and solving a math problem gave us more joy than being taken to a five-star hotel…but now it seemed to be jus the opposite wid them…
I came back from my reverie wen S gave me a rude jolt…
S: come n have a beer da-u wont die
Me: listen u sicko, I’ve told u once that I cant…and I’d advise u also not to. If u r among the ones who believe that nicotine or liquor wont harm u, all I can say is u’re an educated illiterate…
N: Now stop sermonizing and let us live the way we want to. Jus coz u don’t do any of these doesn’t mean ‘tis bad-infact U r the one whoz missing out on some of the finest delicacies that life has to offer…go get stuffed u nut and live in your illusory world where books r the paramount objects…
…And that sudden foray came as a real shock to me-I went thro’ a collage of emotions as I wondered if I’m really fooling myself by sticking to the so-called scruples. Maybe it was coz it was such a dirty hour in the evening but wat he said seemed to make sense all of a sudden…and instinctively I grabbed the wretched thing he was holding and before I realized it, the nasty liquid struck my tongue and rushed into my insides.
Oh my dear god, wat have I done, I thought to myself. I realized how grave a mistake I had committed. The two guys looked at me, awestruck. Not in their wildest dreams wud they have thought that any amount of convincing could’ve made me do that. I felt like stabbing the both of them right there-and believe me, the shock that I was in then, I cud really have got close to that. But on second thoughts, I decided that I was not gonna commit anymore crimes. And so wen they decided to exploit this act of mine, I merely obeyed…
N: That’s like my boy, U’ve jus had a taste of life my dear friend…
S: I’m sure U’d want some more
I jus shook my head and said I’d like to go home. I frankly wanted to be wid mom now. And that thought really weakened me lik anything…
N: oh come on sweetheart, v wont let u go before keeping our promise and taking to the place v mentioned…
Me: hey I don’ have much time, cant it b done some other day?
S: no it wont take much time…and wen’ll v ever find u in such high spirits after now?
Those words kept ringing in my mind and sent deep shivers down my spine…
Me: Wher exactly r v headed to?
N: Heaven on earth…
S: u’re gonna have the best night of Ur life…that is as long as u’d like screwing ppl…
Me: My life’s already screwed up da-who’d I want to?…hang on, wat did u jus say?
S: u kno wat I said…
Me: yea but u dint mean screwing in the literal sense, did u?
N: v don’t know all that-all v kno is this is 1 beautiful night for sleeping wid the chicks…
S: And sleeping certainly dozn’t mean ZZZZ’s…ha ha ha…
Me: Wat the beep? Don’t tell me u’re taking me to a whorehouse…
N: Oh not at all da…that’s just an abode of pleasure loving women
Me: Pleasure loving my foot. Now stop here and let me go…I beg ur pardon
S: Hey stop acting u drunk rascal…the place has come
And surely enuf it had-I knew this was it coz I’d never seen such a spiteful place in my life…
N: come on in…
I knew I had to act fast now or else I’d end up committing a grave sin… I pretended to be cheerful and got down. My keys were wid the bastard…
Me: Hey jus show my key da-its dark over here and it can light up da place-its radium u kno…
The guy hardly listened to wat I said-he was engrossed in other erotic thoughts I guess and as fast as I’d grabbed the glass of the darned thing, I plucked my keys and ran…
I could distinctly hear S’s voice calling after me as I ran…
S: Listen da, don’t run-v were jus kidding…
…But it was too late by then-I’d already turned on the ignition and was into the first gear. And wid his voice ringing in my ears, I fled.
Heaven knows wat else they had on mind. I, for sure, dint want to. This is 1 evening I’d never forget in my life I thought. I wondered how many ppl like them fell prey to such things endangering their own lives for such transient pleasures. I looked up the sky and prayed to the almighty that I’d never have to face such a predicament again anytime.
As I sped in my bike (realizing that I’d committed yet another crime-that of speeding) the chilly wind blew in my direction making me go numb. But then, I was completely draped, wasn’t I, in GUILT?...
I felt I’d crossed a line somewhere…a line of trust, a line of faith…
Now ppl, don’t get me wrong, the line aint one drawn by my parents or peers or anyone…its one which is entirely mine. I say this because I feel more than anything or anyone I’ll ever encounter in life, more than any paradigm of life I’ll have to follow in this arduous path, I sincerely believe My Principles are the ultimate centers of my life.
In the words of Sean Covey, whose theory I had completely embraced sometime in life, ”It takes faith to live by principles, especially wen u c ppl close to u get ahead in life by lying, cheating, indulging, manipulating, and serving only themselves…wat u don’t c, however, is that breaking principles always catches up in the end”…
And on that eventful day, I had broken one of my primary principles-that of faith to my inner voice. I needn’t say how bad I felt…
And again, plz don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against ppl who booze, fag or womanize. It was my decision sometime back that I wouldn’t indulge in any of these. My only regret was about having to desert, albeit for a fraction of a minute, my most valued possessions-my principles…Never in my life again would I able to fill that void or answer my conscience…I have to carry that agonizing feeling to my grave…and that’s precisely the reason for my active lachrymal glands now…
P.S.-ppl, Maybe all these melancholic musings seem much ado about nothing to u and I wont b surprised if my comments section is filled wid queries like “wats the big deal?”, “wat r u tryin 2 prove?” …But all I can say is, Someday u too will have a set of principles and wen u break them, U’ll completely empathize with me…
